


I Love Every Part of You

by darrinya



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OCD, implied child abuse and trauma, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darrinya/pseuds/darrinya
Summary: Draco and Harry have good days and bad days. It's just something they have to accept.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. Draco

**Author's Note:**

> This is for dutifullystarstruckwolf.tumblr.com

Draco has good days and bad days. It’s something that Harry just has to accept because if he didn’t, then he would go insane.

Draco has days when he is vibrant and beaming, when he talks so fast that the words smear together like an elegant abstract painting, when he dances around the kitchen and sings in French. He has days when he makes Harry pose for hours on end so he can make the perfect portrait, when he watches Muggle films just to make snarky comments the entire way through, when he can barely keep a straight face because he’s constantly laughing at something Harry is doing or saying.

Today is not one of those days.

Draco lies in bed, his face buried into his pillow.

Harry gently nudges him.

“Draco?” he asks gently. “It’s almost noon. Do you want lunch?”

Draco does not respond.

So Harry slides into bed, wrapping his arms around Draco’s body and burying his face in Draco’s hair. He matches Draco, breath for breath, and traces patterns up and down Draco’s arm.

“Wanna talk about it?” Harry asks.

Draco turns and presses his forehead against Harry’s collarbone.

“It’s stupid,” he says, his voice hitching.

“Nothing about you could ever be stupid,” Harry whispers.

“Please … Please just hold me.”

Harry smooths back Draco’s hair and rests his lips against the crown of Draco’s forehead.

They have good days and bad days, and Harry sometimes wishes that the bad days didn’t exist. But for the chance to hold Draco, to breathe with him one moment at a time, Harry would never trade them away.


	2. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry has OCD, so beware if that's a trigger for you. I am aware that not every person's experience with OCD is the same. Please do not assume that this chapter is a picture of everyone's experience with OCD.

Harry has good days and bad days. It’s like a dance sometimes, except Draco feels like he’s making the steps up as he goes.

Most days, Harry’s mouth is constantly slipping up into a smile. Harry challenges Draco to impromptu Quidditch matches; he argues about politics and history and the character development in his favorite Muggle musicals.

Harry is  _ not _ fragile, no matter what the rags say. He defeated the  _ Dark Lord,  _ for Salazar’s sake!

But neither is he invincible.

Draco has learned that shouting is Simply Not Done. He still has nightmares about Harry’s face going blank, about the way he flung his arms over his face and cringed back.

“I’m not going to hit you,” Draco said, aghast.

“I know; I know; I’m sorry; I didn’t—“

“You don’t have to say—“

“Don’t touch me!” Harry shrieked, lurching away upon Draco’s brush of fingers against his arm.

Harry’s face blanched, and he fled from the room.

So Draco doesn’t shout anymore.

Harry has days when he stays up until midnight scrubbing and cleaning and polishing, when he checks the locks and windows, when he can’t stop making sure that the oven is turned off.

“It’s two am,” Draco mumbled one night.

“I just have to make sure,” Harry said.

It’s a maze, frantic and twisting, and Draco never knows how to make it out to the end.

Harry has days when his eyes go blank, when he washes his hands until they’re chapped and peeling and raw, when he doesn’t want to get out of bed to go to work.

“It’s not your fault,” Draco tells him time and time again.

“I  _ know _ ,” Harry grits out.

He doesn’t.

Draco speaks softly when they argue; he casts spells throughout the house so Harry trusts that they’re safe. Draco holds Harry and whispers gentle words of affirmation until the light returns to Harry’s eyes.

Draco tries to convince Harry that his hands are clean. He casts cleaning charms and reminds Harry that he just washed his hands mere minutes ago. Sometimes it’s not enough.

(It’s so hard for Draco to accept that, but he has to. Otherwise, it’s constant torture.)

So Draco massages lotion into Harry’s hands and kisses the knuckles and palms.

“I don’t know why you put up with me,” Harry says one afternoon, still in his pyjamas, pressed up against Draco in bed.

Draco quips, “Well, you put up with me, don’t you?”

Draco sees the hurt in Harry’s eyes and instantly knows that, even though it was a joke, it was the wrong thing to say.

“It’s not putting up with you,” Draco says sternly. “It’s being in love with you.”

“But why?” Harry asks, his voice tired.

Draco prefers the days when Harry is happy, when he doesn’t have to count the times he has gone to check the oven, when he is safe in Draco’s assurances that every door is locked. But he promised a long time ago that he wanted all of Harry, flaws and baggage and all.

“Because you’re good,” Draco says, pressing a tiny kiss on Harry’s ear. “You’re kind and gentle and needlessly generous. And this, all of this, is who you are. I love all of you, not just the you that smiles and laughs and hexes the Weasley twins under the table.”

“That’s a very nice part of me,” Harry mumbles, his voice muffled by Draco’s shirt.

“It is,” Draco agrees, his voice breaking.

_ But so is this. _

**Author's Note:**

> If you struggle with depression, please seek help from either people who love you or professional therapists/psychiatrists. You are loved, and you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.
> 
> Leave a comment below, and I'll be happy to chat with you. :) Or go to darrinya.tumblr.com


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